Where am I now?

Where am I now?

Technically, I am in Dallas helping my daughter adjust to her new surroundings.  No worries, I will not acquire BIG hair, or bedazzled jewelry on my flip-flops.

On another note, I am at a new blog location.  After the resignation of Yellow Brick Identity, I took a small hiatus to move into our new home, and tidied up details left undone.

I have also worked on book writing, but discovered my inspiration had packed up and moved to a shelf when the blog was shelved.

I discovered this rudimentary blog actually inspired me more than I realized.

So, I have moved onto another site, titled, Single Soul Initiative.

If you feel so inclined, I would love you to join me there!

singlesoulinitiative.com

The End.

Six years ago, I wrote my very first blog post.  It was shortly after my initial book attempt was halted by unwarranted theft.  The following was my first post–

I am so excited to be moving forward and getting out of the boat so to speak. I used to jump out and take a step or two on the water, and then quickly sink. Since being waterlogged for more times than I care to remember, I have began to fear the water.

The water…moving forward on this ministry and writing.

If you know me, you know that my book was stolen on July 17th, 2008.

Since that time, I have not risked much, but now is time to shake things up again. So, lets get ready and ride the waves together!

Initially, the site served as a supplement to a weekly bible study I led.  But, since then, the direction shifted to a source of cathartic release.

February, 2012, I actually cleared out all former posts and started the journey toward wellbeing.

My first post was on going ‘Into the Deep’–a discovery to figure out what is wrong with me.  (Still attempting to figure that one out :))

It has been a quite the ride–

Tears. Laughter. Healing.

This is my 223rd post.  For a gal who struggles with commitment, I must say this is quite an accomplishment.

All this to say, it is time to embark on another adventure.

I’ve felt, from the time I wrote my first words in 2008, the sole purpose has been to write books.  Somehow along the way, the book idea was shelved to blog.  And, six years later, I realize the book(s) have sat under layers of dust.

Strange, when I first started writing, I felt scared to share my words, now, I feel scared to let it all go.

But, in order to open a new door, you need to first release the grip of the one that is closing.

I hope these posts have helped you along the way.  They will remain here for who knows how long.

I have feeling some will make the pages of a book–or two.

Awestruck,

Josie

A Mother’s Undying Wish

I was awakened from a sound sleep by the sound of my cell phone.

In between awake and asleep, I answered the call with a muffled, “Hello.”  Little did I know, a nightmare would ensue which I could not escape.

On the other end I hear fear, which quickly propels my feet to exit the bed.

Her whereabouts are unknown.

She says she is at a certain place, but I do not know the place to which she refers.

Panic sets in.

I simultaneously tell my husband her condition, while asking random questions to discover her whereabouts–

“What do you see around you?”

“Do you know what parking lot you are in?”

We get in the car and keep the conversation going as we drive off in a vague direction.

I tell her to unlock her door, and roll down her window and breath in some fresh air.

“You need to stay awake,” I demand.

I continue with the cell-phone interrogation–

I ask her what she took.

How many.

I want to ask why, but now is not the time.

Instead, I instruct her to keep talking.

Finally, we figure out her location.

As we approach, I see her frame in the driver’s seat–so small in the backdrop of the vast, desolate, dimly-lit parking lot.

I felt such a deep despair overwhelm me at that sight, I still cannot fully articulate with words.

We frantically drive to the hospital and release her into their care.

II

This attempt to end her life was exactly one year ago today.

I have not allowed myself to feel the enormity of this moment.

Oh, I think of it often.  Usually late at night.  I sneak upstairs to make sure her heart still beats.

In relief, I make my way back to my bed.

I guess I am afraid to allow my heart to embrace the idea of her desiring to end her life before its time.

Maybe this is protection on my part.

Maybe because I know this was not her first attempt.

Maybe because I fear it will not be her last.

If there was something I could do, I would do it.

So, I pray.

My wish for her (and her sisters) is simple–that she would love Jesus more than I do.

I say this without a hint of arrogance. Everyone who knows me would attest to the fact that I am head over heals in love with Jesus.

My hope is this great love HE has for her will be reciprocated as a result.

And that this great love will fill the void within.

It is my undying plea I pray on an ongoing basis.

It is not a pollyanna prayer, because I have stood in the depth of depression, and have felt the desperate desire toward death.

But, still.  I know HE is the HOPE that overcomes my momentary ill will.

II

Words exit her mouth the other day, which surprise me and make my heart nearly skip a beat–

She wonders if she can attend a conference called, ‘Passion’, in Houston, which begins on the 30th.

Well, H@#$ yes!

I know every one of the speakers.  I might even admit that they may love Jesus as much as me 🙂

So, my prayer for this weekend is a simple one–

I pray a passion for Jesus will ignite and create a fire for her life she has never known before.